It was my lunch break, and that day, I was sitting alone at a table in the restaurant. While waiting for the waiter to bring my meal, I observed the people around me.
Soon, my attention was drawn to a family sitting right next to me, who were already having dessert: the father, a young executive in a suit and tie, sat across from his wife and son, a boy who appeared to be about eight years old. With them was also a nanny.
The child was restless and irritable. He complained about everything and spoke loudly. The mother, visibly embarrassed, showed no authority. The nanny seemed unsure of how to act. And the father, in turn, watched the scene in silence, drumming his fingers on the table. It was easy to deduce that he was eager to leave as soon as possible.
At that time, I was already married but had not yet experienced fatherhood. My first daughter would only be born a few years later. Even so, I could sense that there was something wrong with that family dynamic.
Suddenly, to my surprise, the waiter brought out a small cake with a lit candle. It was the boy’s birthday, yet he barely smiled as his parents and the nanny started singing “Happy Birthday.” Shortly after, the father stood up hurriedly, handed his son a small gift, and said he didn’t have time—he needed to get back to the office.
And then he left.
I thought to myself: What would it be like when I took on the role of a father? Would I be so impatient that I would trade affection for a wrapped present for my child?
The truth is that fatherhood is one of the most transformative experiences in a man’s life. From the moment one learns that a child is on the way, an intense mix of emotions is born: joy, fear, anticipation, and responsibility. It’s when we ask ourselves: how to be a good father? After all, children don’t come with an instruction manual. But it is also the moment when we realize that the stability of our own lives no longer depends solely on ourselves. It is impossible to chart a map that will systematically guide our children to the treasure of happiness. Every child is unique, and their subjectivity will create unpredictable situations beyond our control.
Surely, being a father is much more than just providing financial support. It is balancing discipline with affection. It means limits and rules, but with respect and empathy. Above all, it is about being present. Whether you are authoritarian and reserved or communicative and liberal, I believe all of that becomes irrelevant as long as you are truly there.
I once heard of a father who was professionally very successful. After breakfast, he would leave for work in his Porsche every morning while his driver took his son to school. Later, the same driver would pick the boy up. It was the driver who took him to soccer practice. On game days, it was the driver who stood by the field, cheering for his boss’s son. When the boy scored a goal, it was the driver who celebrated, and it was to him that the boy ran to give a hug. That driver was his friend. He was the person the boy could count on.
At night, during dinner, the father, irritated, wondered why his son spoke so much and so fondly of the driver. It was as if the boy didn’t even realize that he was the father. After all, who was putting food on the table and filling the room with toys?
That father perhaps never realized that his son didn’t want presents. He just wanted his presence.
Never be indifferent to your child. That will surely be a wound they carry forever. And yes, I know—having children requires a lot of sacrifice. We are constantly tested in patience, resilience, and adaptability. But never allow a child to feel like a burden to you, as if they are disrupting your daily life.
The journey of fatherhood is not linear. Every stage of a child’s life demands different forms of care and involvement from the father.
In childhood, being a good father means providing a safe environment, teaching values, and encouraging the child’s natural curiosity. Telling bedtime stories, participating in playtime, and leading by example are actions that define this phase.
Adolescence brings new challenges. The child begins to seek independence, and the father’s role shifts to that of a guide and counselor. Here, it is essential to maintain open dialogue without judgment so the child feels safe to share their doubts and struggles.
In adulthood, the father’s role transforms once again. It means respecting the child’s choices, continuing to be a safe harbor, and maintaining a bond that transcends time and distance. And perhaps this is the decisive moment that tests all our efforts as fathers: Your child will never be your “improved version.” They are unique individuals with their own desires, doubts, and paths. The father who understands this educates without imprisoning, guides without imposing, and loves without conditions.
I believe that being a good father is not about shaping a child into your image but rather giving them the foundation to become who they want to be—without ever losing the emotional connection that binds you together.
At some point, your child will have the right to distance themselves from you in order to grow. The greatest generosity of parenthood (both fatherhood and motherhood) is raising birds that will one day fly away from the nest to explore the world. As a father, preventing them from doing so would be a mistake. It would diminish us as human beings.
In short, successful fatherhood is not measured only by the visible results in a child’s life but by a father’s continuous effort to be present, to be a role model, and to be an example. More than just providing material comfort, true paternal success lies in the ability to raise autonomous, ethical, and emotionally balanced individuals.
Raising a child is an act of selfless giving with no guarantees—a long-term investment whose rewards are not always reaped by those who plant the seeds. However, when a father sees his child acting with integrity even without supervision, facing challenges with resilience, and building their own path without having to reject their roots—that is the silent seal of a mission accomplished.
And finally, fatherhood is truly honored when it continues through generations. If a child, upon becoming a parent, chooses to repeat the values of presence, listening, and care that they received, then we have built a legacy.
Because the true victory of fatherhood is not simply raising children who admire their fathers—it is raising people who will one day be admired by their own children. I believe that in this cycle of love, learning, and passing down values, fatherhood reaches its highest fulfillment.
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